in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
