the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?