My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.