You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.