My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...