all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
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We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
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The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!