So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
