even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
whose parrot is this?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
