I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
