i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?