i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
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She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
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whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
i need some magic done to my vagina