I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
