Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
