I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
