Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
