If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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