Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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