You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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