I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
