So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
