I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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