I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
