How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
