i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
