Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
