I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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