"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
