I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
