12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
