Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
