You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
