Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
