I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
