Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
