My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
