I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
