I should be sponsored by Trojan
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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