If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
