Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
