Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
