mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It was like giving head to a cactus.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
