my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
