I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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