Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
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I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
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Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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