neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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