capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
