I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
