Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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