I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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