you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
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I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize