On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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