I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize