I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
