well I can't set my house on fire every night
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
