my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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