that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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