I can't breathe out the right side of my face
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
i think i just lost a toe
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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