She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
