I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
