And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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