i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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