Who did Billy Mays play for?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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