I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
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And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
a search helicopter?!
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
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the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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