Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize