this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
