This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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