I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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