my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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