go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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