no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
