does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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