hotel room ftw
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
