Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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