Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize