just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
