your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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