I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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