Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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