So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
